It’s April 1st and my little girl is 10 weeks old today. No foolin’! The last 10 weeks have been a whirlwind of blessings, tears, lack of sleep, and lots of love for our little family. I’ve heard it said, “You don’t know what love is until you have your own child.” And now I know what that really means. I never knew I would feel like this. At work I start looking at the clock counting down the hours when I can see Josephine again. When I was home by myself the week after her birth I called my husband crying while I stared at our daughter and blubbered about how beautiful she is and how blessed we are.
Through Josephine’s birth I know more now than ever how blessed we are and I cry sometimes when I think how I may not be deserving of such blessings (even though I feel foolish for thinking that way.) But, here they are, my blessings, my husband and daughter. I will cherish them for as long as I am able.
Since I haven’t kept up with the blog… Can you blame me? Here is a look at the first few days of our new lives together. Hope you find it worth the read and not too boring, too long or too elementary in grammar and punctuation. I am still a little off on my sleep. :) And Josie, one day you will read this and know, we made you but girl, you made us a family.
Thursday, January 21st, 2010
“This is the day that the Lord hath made…” that is what I posted on my Facebook page that morning cause that’s how it felt.
While it seemed weird, picking the day we would have our baby girl, I was relieved once we decided on the how and when.
My sister and I spent Wednesday running around getting everything ready for her to leave town after the birth (she changed her flight just to stay and meet little Josie.) We also did everything we could think of to make life easier once the little one was here. David was working, so he could have the time off later.
Neither David nor I slept well Wednesday night. We were both up a little after 3am to get ready for our trip to the hospital, nervous and anxious for the day to begin. We laid in bed and talked about "if," when the baby is born, it was really a boy, and how we couldn’t sleep, and the days ahead of us.
At 5am Briana, David and I arrived at the hospital to register and get ready for surgery.
They took David and I into a hospital prep room. The nurse left the room after asking me to change into the wonderful hospital gown and David to change into his scrubs and clown hat, I mean, hair net. Afterwards, I went and sat with David on the bedside bench and started crying. I guess I was scared and excited. Everything David and I had known for the past eight years was about to change…for better or worse, you could say. HA! We said a prayer and I crawled over my swollen belly into the hospital bed.
The four days that followed were a blur, a sleep-deprived drug induced BLUR. But here is what I do recall.
The c-section took place at exactly 7am on the 21st and was so surreal. The operating room was very cold, white, bright and sterile. And there were all these people, I didn’t know there in masks. It was like going to masquerade, a strange dream like masquerade and you’re the only one nearly naked and not masked.
They numbed me from the chest down, put all sorts of warming blankets and tubes on my chest and placed the blue curtain in front of me. They brought David in just before the surgery began. I could tell by his eyes, this was intimidating. They asked us her name so they could prepare her nursery room papers. We told them when she was born we would announce her name. We sure did stick to our guns on that and I was proud of us for it.
I reached for David’s hand and the surgery began. I felt nothing. No tugging, no pain, nothing! I didn’t even feel my legs when I tried to move them or I should say when I told my brain to move them. I remember saying to myself move your legs and nothing happened. That made me dizzy but one look at the anesthesiologist and she fixed that. Ironic for someone who wanted a natural childbirth, I couldn’t have been more thankful for the medicine on hand.
Briana and David had tried to prep me beforehand for how the anesthesia would make me feel and both of them told me to take really deep breaths. Good thing! There was an intense pressure on my chest from the weight of my belly and the anesthesia made me feel like I wasn’t breathing correctly. I was taking the biggest breaths I could and getting anxious and sick from it all.
About the time we had taken the whole room in with all the busy people, smells, and strange sounds I heard the most wonderful sound in the world, our baby girl.
Music To My Ears and Love In My Heart
Her cry was so loud but so pleasing to my ears. I cried. Hell, I sobbed. The whole family, all 3 of us were crying. Nine months of waiting and wondering if all would be okay, what she would look like, and how the heck were we going to do this. Well, we did it! To hear your child’s first cries of life, that cry means all is okay, that she is here and life is wonderful! Life has begun! And for that time, at 7:53am we were the only people in the world.
Then at 7:54am, …Dr. Kyzer looked over the blue curtain to announce, disappointedly, our daughter was not 9 pounds. David squeezed my hand. He could see her. He was so tall in the chair he could see over the blue curtain and he had watched her make her way into the world.
They brought her over to the warming table, which was in my line of sight. I finally got a peek. She had a head full of “brown” hair; her skin was red, and covered in all that newborn baby goop. They cleaned her up as David stood up to take a photo. When he turned around toward me with tears in his eyes he was ghost white. I knew something from this event might get to him. Calmly, I suggested he sit down. No stranger to fainting spells; he knew what to do and sat down but not for long. A nurse told him to take a photo of her on the scale. He jumped right back up and he was fine. And Josie was 8pds .5 oz and 20 inches long. Turns out the doc discovered why I didn't have her naturally. My cervix were too small to deliver her, something you can only tell from the inside of a woman. Thank God for modern medicine.
As they were cleaning our baby girl, they asked us again for her name. “Josephine Rose Fitzgerald” we announced. Joe was David’s Dad’s first name and Rose was his mother’s first name. When David suggested the name back before Christmas I knew it was perfect. My dad’s name is Gerald and there is a Josephine on my mom’s side of the family, her favorite Aunt I would soon learn. We had covered all sides of both families. When Josephine gets to be a teenager I can just hear her friends, David and I calling her Jo. But for now Josephine or Josie seems so cute. Of course my boss came up with J-Ro and a hilarious magazine cover so around the office she is J-Ro.
They cleaned little Josephine up, swaddled her and placed her on my chest. She had my nostrils for sure, and they were “a flarin’’ She had David’s eyes, I could tell right away. As I was trying to hold her and count her fingers she began to gurgle. The nurse asked to see her. They put a tube down her throat to remove what was blocking her airway. She had swallowed the meconium (baby’s first stool) while exiting the womb. It had reached her lungs and she would need further observation and oxygen. The nurses wanted to move her to the NICU, Newborn Intensive Care Unit. I had faith she would be okay but I still worried so I said a few prayers over and over again until I feel asleep.
David went to the NICU with Josephine and I went to the recovery room. For the next two hours I slept on and off and both my sister and David took turns between seeing me and Josephine. I was upset that both Bri and David were bonding with Josephine while I had to wait to see her. But as soon as the drugs wore off enough for me to move my legs they cleared me to go see her. I was wheeled, in my bed with my nice new incision and stocking to keep the swelling down, to the NICU where I got to hold sweet Josephine’s hand while she was on oxygen. She had some lungs on her. I could hear her from the minute we entered the NICU and she was in the very back, three rooms away from the entrance. She was definitely my child.
My time in the NICU was short with Josie and David. Her little face was still swollen but she held onto my finger for a while. Then they took me to the room that would be our home for the next 3 days. My sister and our Doula, Katie, met me at the room. Briana and I joked about the day and the fact that she would have to wait until our next visit to VA before she could hold her niece. I know that had to be hard to take but at least she got to see her in the NICU before flying home. Usually only parents are allowed in the NICU but our doctor called in a favor and Bri was allowed in.
After I said goodbye to my sister my Doula and I sat and talked about the day and what to expect over the next few days. Usually a Doula helps the parents deal with the labor and birth of a child and the few days afterwards. Since we hired her to assist us with the birth only and she was being paid anyway I had her come to the hospital even though I was having a c-section. I was glad I did. Apparently, I had the fidgets and itchiness of an addict as a result of the meds they had me on for pain. Katie got the nurses to give me more meds before I scratched myself silly. She also was a huge help when it came time for Josie’s first feeding and she kept me company while David stayed with our daughter in the NICU until then.
It was very late afternoon before they released Josie. David wheeled her into the room and I finally got to hold her, really hold her, and see my baby girl. I remember Katie and David, sitting in silence as I just laid there and held my sweet, peaceful sleeping girl. The room was warm and the sun had started to set outside. I heard it was 60 degrees that day. Sixty degrees in January, how about that! David and I were married on the hottest day in June and Josie arrived on the warmest day in January. There's a song there.
In the hospital room I feel in love all over again with David. He was a better nurse than the hospital nurses, seriously! He changed Josie’s diapers, was the first up when she made the slightest move or cry, and helped me take my first shower after surgery. He even helped the nurses by changing my stockings. Yep, I never felt closer or more in love with my baby’s Daddy. When the lactation specialist told him he would be my coach and teacher after she left because I wouldn’t remember what she told me, he took her to task. In retrospect, it was hilarious! He’d coach me, Josie would scream and I would cry and tell him I was doing what he was telling me to but it wasn’t working and he would show me another way to do it. Very funny stuff, not at the time but it sure is now. A lot was funny about those days.
I couldn’t eat solid food until I passed gas. After day three of no solid food and broth for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I was one mean and bitchy momma. This on top of little sleep, sore nipples, and major blisters from tape around my incision. I imagine the nurses and my husband were all praying I would pass gas. Well I did finally get to eat. Boy was that meal good! Then there was the lack of modesty. With nurses coming and going every 2 hours, lactation specialists, doctors, and the beloved wait staff delivering food, modesty was out the window. My dressings were changed often and I felt like I was being cared for much like a baby. I would feed Josie when she was hungry regardless of who was there. I remember my poor friends Denise and Ally probably got to see more of me than they wanted to. Sorry girls! One day you’ll be doing the same thing and hopefully I can be there for the moral support you should me. Ummm, David has offered to be there as well…for moral support of course. Nice babe, the one time you chime in on this blog.
We brought Josephine home on Sunday and although I don’t recall much about going home I know I was sure glad to be home. For the next several days my Mom and Aunt Terry were in town to help David and I. God bless them. The dogs were walked, the dishes and laundry done and dinner was made. I’ve been begging them to come stay permanently.
Over the next few weeks it was rough but a wonderful journey for us. We had so much help from friend and family. People cooked food, came by, watched Josie so I could shower and sleep. Thanks to all of you who helped, sent cards, prayed, etc…You don’t know how much it has meant to David and I. We have truly been blessed.
We had a big night last night. David and I had Josephine dedicated to the Lord. This means David and I will do our best to raise our little girl to have Christ in her life. The special ceremony for about 30 families took place at our church, where David's Mother used to run the day care(she passed away many years ago from cancer) and where his grandmother still attends and is known and loved by everyone. When the pastor approached us David told him this was Rose's Granddaughter. His eyes lit up. "Rose has held just about every child in this church," he said as he looked out into the congregation. "Where's Ms. Elise?" He laughed. I know David couldn't be happier than to have our daughter in the church that has meant so much to him and his family. 
